The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
