im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
