is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
BRING THE BAGELS
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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