At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
