If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's always time for handjobs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize