dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize