What did we do last night that was yellow?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
