Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think people are normalizing furries
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
