Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
