Life is so much better after having sex.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
