Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
