I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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