He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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