we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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