shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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