So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
