i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
