i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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