My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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