I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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