I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
