I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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