: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
All I want is dick and wine.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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