As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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