One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
