I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
