On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
