Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize