if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
