I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
