I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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