I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
