there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
