I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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