Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
