what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
