She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
