I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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