# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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