I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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