small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
