the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
