You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
