how can u be prego again
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize