I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
