She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
