Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize