My room smells like vodka and shame
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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