On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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