the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
