New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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