dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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