the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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