i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
