This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
