I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then he tried to convert me to islam
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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