my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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