we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
