dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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