dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize