The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
