I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
