Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My balls are so social today.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
