have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize
