Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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