When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
