I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
