What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
