I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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