This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just gargled with NyQuil
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
