Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm like, not good at living.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
