i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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