the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
