I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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