I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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