I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
