I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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